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You ever mention WWE in a conversation and someone pops out of the ceiling to mention how it’s stupid, fake, and gay? Weird, right? I mean, people have the right to dislike things. They hated Jesus. They hated candy corn. They hated Whole Lotta Red. But there has to be a deeper meaning behind this concentration of hatred on something as niche as professional wrestling. After multiple efforts of strenuous research and analytics (thinking deeply about it in the shower twice), I have cracked the code on the wrestling dilemma. It boils down to two things.
1. Professional wrestling is pineapple on pizza.
Bear with me as I break down why people become so irrationally incensed about wrestling, and why letting go of that hate is the first step on the path to enlightenment.
There are few things as controversial in society as preferring pineapple as a topping on a slice of pizza. It is scientifically proven that everything tastes good on pizza. Pizza is like Ye, it brings the best out of its collaborators. The perceived problem with pineapple on pizza is that it doesn’t belong on pizza. It comes from a different world. Fruit has its own lane and pizza has a separate lane. Professional wrestling is also the amalgamation of separate worlds. We like seeing the strength, athleticism, and acrobatics present in our favorite sports. We like the drama, comedy, and complex storylines present in our favorite TV shows and movies. Theoretically, everyone should love pro wrestling because it’s the fusion of everything we love. But that’s not the case here. At least, it’s not the case for long. Which leads to my second point.
I remember being 10 years old watching the death of Mr. McMahon in real time. My brother and I were hysterical. Two weeks later, we saw Vince McMahon alive and well, addressing the viewing audience about the legitimate death of Chris Benoit. That was the moment when we and several other fans in our generation realized that wrestling wasn’t real. Depending on when you started watching, you also had a similar moment where you learned that the shows are scripted. A lot of people processed this realization with resentment. Even my brother told me recently that it really broke his heart when found out wrestling was scripted. You’ve invested your time and emotions into something that was lying to you. If wrestling is fake, what else is fake? That’s an easy question. Everything is fake.
Money is fake. Instagram is fake. Reality TV is fake. Beauty standards are made up. Words are made up. Looking down on someone who has a green bubble in your text thread is a made-up concept. We’re ruled by things that have no roots in reality. Meanwhile, the planet is burning up and we’re all gonna die. And you’re mad because someone likes professional wrestling? I think it’s time for you to take a different approach.
If wrestling is fake, and most everything else is fake too, why don’t we take solace in that? Let’s take these things less seriously and enjoy them for what they are. It’s all just entertainment to keep us stimulated during our human experience on this floating rock. Professional wrestling is just a small feature of the grand simulation. It’s practically a mod of the simulation. There weren’t supposed to be any car rollercoasters in GTA IV. But when you spawned into a lobby and saw someone modded in the huge twirling ramps at the airport, you hopped in and enjoyed the ride. Professional wrestling combined things that would otherwise never intersect. All for the sake of entertaining you. So, the next time you hear people geeking about SmackDown! vs Raw 2007 or calling Jeff Hardy and Rey Mysterio the GOATs, don’t rain on their parade. Enjoy the ride.
1. Professional wrestling is pineapple on pizza.
2. Professional wrestling is a simulation breaker
Bear with me as I break down why people become so irrationally incensed about wrestling, and why letting go of that hate is the first step on the path to enlightenment.
Professional Wrestling is Pineapple on Pizza
There are few things as controversial in society as preferring pineapple as a topping on a slice of pizza. It is scientifically proven that everything tastes good on pizza. Pizza is like Ye, it brings the best out of its collaborators. The perceived problem with pineapple on pizza is that it doesn’t belong on pizza. It comes from a different world. Fruit has its own lane and pizza has a separate lane. Professional wrestling is also the amalgamation of separate worlds. We like seeing the strength, athleticism, and acrobatics present in our favorite sports. We like the drama, comedy, and complex storylines present in our favorite TV shows and movies. Theoretically, everyone should love pro wrestling because it’s the fusion of everything we love. But that’s not the case here. At least, it’s not the case for long. Which leads to my second point.
Professional Wrestling is a Simulation Breaker
I remember being 10 years old watching the death of Mr. McMahon in real time. My brother and I were hysterical. Two weeks later, we saw Vince McMahon alive and well, addressing the viewing audience about the legitimate death of Chris Benoit. That was the moment when we and several other fans in our generation realized that wrestling wasn’t real. Depending on when you started watching, you also had a similar moment where you learned that the shows are scripted. A lot of people processed this realization with resentment. Even my brother told me recently that it really broke his heart when found out wrestling was scripted. You’ve invested your time and emotions into something that was lying to you. If wrestling is fake, what else is fake? That’s an easy question. Everything is fake.
Money is fake. Instagram is fake. Reality TV is fake. Beauty standards are made up. Words are made up. Looking down on someone who has a green bubble in your text thread is a made-up concept. We’re ruled by things that have no roots in reality. Meanwhile, the planet is burning up and we’re all gonna die. And you’re mad because someone likes professional wrestling? I think it’s time for you to take a different approach.
If wrestling is fake, and most everything else is fake too, why don’t we take solace in that? Let’s take these things less seriously and enjoy them for what they are. It’s all just entertainment to keep us stimulated during our human experience on this floating rock. Professional wrestling is just a small feature of the grand simulation. It’s practically a mod of the simulation. There weren’t supposed to be any car rollercoasters in GTA IV. But when you spawned into a lobby and saw someone modded in the huge twirling ramps at the airport, you hopped in and enjoyed the ride. Professional wrestling combined things that would otherwise never intersect. All for the sake of entertaining you. So, the next time you hear people geeking about SmackDown! vs Raw 2007 or calling Jeff Hardy and Rey Mysterio the GOATs, don’t rain on their parade. Enjoy the ride.